Life in auto-pilot mode

My research journey has not been a smooth sailing one. But then I guess, I've never heard of anyone who could claim theirs as one, by the way. I think one of the scariest moments since I started all these was when the place that I wanted to do my research decided to re-evaluate my application. What? Re-evaluation? After I'd been given the letter of approval and was then back in Malaysia thinking that I was ready and going to start data collection?

And that was also not to count the many other challenges prior to getting to that point in my study. What with the finding out that someone else had already started their research work at that place, so I had to make sure that mine would be different. Then, making sure I pass the confirmation process. And then came the painstaking ethical approval process that followed. Of course, not much support back home from the workplace at the valley. It seemed the only thing they were concerned about was compliance.

I felt as if the world had collapsed at that time. What have I put myself into? So many thoughts came across my mind. What if this...what if that... What backup plan (or plans) to use? Then, came the news that my main supervisor was suddenly diagnosed with an illness, despite the fact that he was one of the healthiest and fittest staff in the school.

It was that one fine string of hope and trust in God that I hold on to, that kept me going (and still is). Many, many times I've stopped and tried to steal a moment... to think about what in the world have I committed myself into? But I don't want to stop and think too long, for it could be painful at times.

Sometimes, it feels like I'm living life in an auto-pilot mode. But then again, I keep remembering the words of my associate supervisor at that point earlier this year when I was at wits end, "There's no other way to go, but forward". With those words, here I go again. Hopefully this time, back on track.

So, bismillahi tawakkaltu ala Allah. Please make this path easy for me ya Allah the Most Merciful, and forgive my sins.